it seriously hurts to know that you are always alone. it's like hitting your head against the wall. somehow physical injury will heal someday but feelings are never healed. it's like putting plaster on it but the wound is still there everytime you put it behind you. and you wonder everytime: what am i suppose to do? then come out with the conclusion that nothing can be done but to stick back the plaster again. as long as it holds, the wound wouldn't be exposed to water and it wouldn't hurt. but there are times, you peel it off yourself and look at it. it's worst than a stab in the heart because it's still there no matter how hard you have tried to get on with life. and when you look at people around you, life seems to be pretty normal and you ask why are you the abnormal one? why do you have to think like that? maybe is the problem with thinking too much and refusing to admit that this is my life though i don't want it to be like that. there's too much things i keep but the world will be in a mess if i open the box of misery, if i stop pretending normal. somehow i hope to just sleep and wake up to find that i'm okay. or just let me sleep and rest a while.