My Rants

Thursday, June 3, 2010 - :

finding satisfaction in everything you do...

i guess that shook me out of my emo-ness or whatever that made me feel so down these days. my life is quite screwed since start of jc, have been telling people that a lot. well it seems like jc is a time for you to get to know this practical, cold world and blah blah. i guess it bothered me a lot that i'm not going to achieve anything great in jc. you just get the feeling that you don't excel in anything and your presence isn't important to anything. plus seeing many high achievers in your daily life is just depressing. it's the feeling that: why am i not good in anything. no goal, no aim, no passion for anything....

then because most of the time im thinking too much, i started to doubt.
what people did and what i heard of people affected me a lot. which shouldn't have. and i just learnt that i shouldn't be. it is too tiring to try to find excuses for people when they don't even bother in the first place, when they are oblivious to what you feel. it's kind of confusing but it's the best i can explain. people who are just busy with their own lives, who don't bother to look around, who think people can't achieve just plainly because they don't try, who just have too many other people that appear important, i've decided that they are not great at all. you can think im consoling myself, being bitter or whatsoever, but im sure im not deluding myself in anyway.

不再为别人辩解。不再去怀疑自己。i guess this is something i learnt from these months of unhappiness. this sounds like a reflection or something...anyway, i also learnt that 有些你不能控制的事就不要勉强下去，因为往往受伤的是你。 at times, you feel that you have been giving so much and you just want a little in return. you try harder, wait, give chances to forgive yet there's still nothing. so point is it is time to let go, really let go and don't care about it anymore because no one is ever going to pity you or be able to pull you out of your misery. face the fact that whatever you've been trying is not worth your attention anymore because it is basically screwing up your life. you'll just end up being unfair to yourself. and in this situation being selfish is not a crime, it is just a way to protect yourself.

i guess that's the end of my whole reflection .-. this will probably help in enlightening myself when i need enlightening again. my pronouns are all screwed btw. so anyone who ever reads this, don't be affected by the 'you' because it just means 'me'. just that i don't like using 'i' and 'me' because im more comfortable writing this in a passsive way.

say bye to sadness.

The sun is rising @ 10:16 PM