My Rants

Thursday, October 28, 2010 - :

me first.

i suppose all things work this way.

if someone is taking care of stuff, i can care lesser.

that's the mindset.

so, for everything that involves more than myself, be the one that cares less. what an unethical lesson i've learnt.

selfish i suppose.

On the other hand, the people who care are ..... for punishment. they know that they are taken advantaged of but don't know the right way of retaliating.

Point: i don't know how to be evil as much as i want to be.

screwed. i really screwed up.
i thought it didn't matter
but the self expectation is there
i have to start making choices
but i don't know how
i'm not receptive to things im doing now
and for things i'm interested in
im afraid to take the risk
i'm praying for enlightenment

The sun is rising @ 9:57 PM

Friday, October 15, 2010 - :

I feel sleepy 24 hrs these few days. haiz. want to watch shows but cannot find those free and dont need to download ones.

my nose is getting bad... don't know why a cough became flu.

actually, i don't have much to blog today. bored and don't want to go to sleep. and talking about sleep i slept through the afternoon after lunch. pig's life.

need to do stuff and apparently math homework. don't know how long i need to understand maclaurin when i tuned out for during lectures.

I'm still nowhere here nor there. I don't know what i'm good at and it's so hard to think of which path to take when i don't know what will really hold my interest. and to do something i won't regret.

too much regrets to count.
and i can't afford to make anymore mistakes.

The sun is rising @ 10:20 PM

Sunday, October 10, 2010 - :

im really hungry now. oh man.

i couldnt even find some instant food from my fridge. and the fact that i don't have a microwave at home means i cant heat anything without using pots. why isn't there food at causeway point!

gah.

for everything im feeling stressed and unhappy about, i think i just have to accept that it's my fault. i can't ever find people to blame because it's just not morally right. and even if i think someone is wrong/ bad, there's always excuses for them for being who they are. it serves me right for whatever im feeling because i think too much. It doesn't matter what i think though because it doesn't matter to anyone.

keep being invisible. (okay, i don't need to be. im invisible naturally) That's how i adapted, am going to survive on for the days i hope will pass by quickly enough.

I don't like the environment. The place, the vibes. It will kill me soon enough if i don't choose to live in my own bubble.

I don't want to feel/understand what's happening. I just what to listen to what's happening and be a third party that gives trite comments. be someone who is just absorbing the melodrama around me and not processing the human behaviour.

I have to change.
No matter how much i dislike where im now, i got to focus on my own stuff.

The sun is rising @ 8:38 PM