My Rants

Tuesday, December 7, 2010 - :

6 Dec 2010

I'm horribly sad now.

I shouldn't be looking so forward to going to melbourne then i wouldn't be so upset right now. everything's wrong both ways. I really really want to go but it's not even a question to raise if i can fly there myself.

everything just went wrong.

why? ):

and i can't accept the fact that the money is just thrown into the deep blue sea which i can't even get a glimpse of. the situation is just so wrong. i really don't know what i'm wishing for right now because wishing to go is just wrong but the idea that im not going to the place i've been so focused on these few months is just so frustrating and sad. horribly sad. it's the first time i ever think about going overseas u know. it's not a big deal to anyone since 'hey come on, you can go there another time you know'. but for me it's really a big deal. i've been so eager about the trip and it was sort of like my motivation to get PW done. this sounds ridiculous. but. it was. I thought this could be something that can make me real happy this year and i'll start next year without any bitterness since i screwed up my studies this year. i want to get on the plane and fly to another continent and forget this place for a while. i wanted to come back having the feeling that the bad part of my life has been over and i'm starting afresh as a new person.

i know i shouldnt be feeling this way but it hurts to have the pretty pictures in my head crushed.
till next time. i'll be there soon.

The sun is rising @ 8:22 PM