okay i seriously don't know why i'm so angry. it's probably because i know i wasn't able to perform last week even when the questions are exact copy of the real thing last year. now i'm probably freaking out but if the questions are from the real thing, it means i'm not ready yet. it means i have not studied enough which is true. i'm angry because i don't get the point trying to copy exact questions without changing a tiny bit of it. you may have your stand but i think we were just jokes in the exam hall when i have the questions tucked in my bookshelf not looked at yet. it really made me feel like an idoit because i worry about the paper which not the least effort has been put in to prepare it. hard work comes from both sides dont you think? not even the least effort was made to simulate similar kind of questions. we should be exposed to the same style of questions not freaking copies of it. going to exam is meaningless already doing things that no effort was spent creating it just pisses me off. the system i'm studying in infuriates me. i think i had already accepted the fact a person's dexterity is determined from a certificate but sometimes when i stop and reflect what i've been doing to achieve it, i feel like i've wasted my life. in what way is it meaningful when you do things which you remember now going to forget probably a few months after your major exam is over? but there's no way around this route. well at least for me. i don't see any other way except to get great results and hopefully then a good job for my good life after that. i abhore the idea that the purpose of studying now is to have a good life after but it's reality. well i guess the key to accepting reality is to like what you're doing which i probably haven't felt it. i haven't went with my passions because practicality rules. i hate practicality in me. and it is the system i'm in that breeds this pragmaitism in me. people that go with the flow don't have a mind of their own and i guess i'm one. go the other way you can be very successful or fail forever. i hate myself for not have the guts to try the unconventional. somehow i feel im not special enough to go against the flow and succeed. so im stuck. stuck in the pool of the norm. go the conventional way. slog your life through work then earn money to get by the day. i don't even have a dream and i think i'm pathetic. my parents think so differently. apparently adults think that it is good enough to just get any freaking course even if you don't like it and get a jb and earn money for your living. that seems to be the main point in life. i really hope it won't become mine but i'm afraid practicality will still win in the end. so i may end up as a stupid law abidding citizen who wont become